


Three-Beer Lesbianism

by euromagpie



Category: The Flash (Comics)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 07:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3348305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euromagpie/pseuds/euromagpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have no excuse, just lady!Rogues meeting up for the first time. No plot at all really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three-Beer Lesbianism

**Warnings: general stereotyping, Rogue potty-mouths, crude language etc.**

 

“So let me get this right; you’re all women _without_ boyfriends, who spend all day together lounging around sans bras, drinking beer and watching hockey, and _none of you_ are gay?”

Len burped.

“Yup. Sorry to break it to you, kid, but the most muff-chasing you’ll be getting is from Mardon over there, and that’s just ‘cause she’s easy”. Len barely dodged a crushed beer can thrown at her, drops of liquid splashing onto her brown buzz-cut.

Piper couldn’t believe her bad luck; okay, so she didn’t exactly become a costumed criminal to pick up girls, but honestly, given the circumstances, she thought at least _one_ of the Rogues had to bat for the home-team.

 _I suppose it could be worse_ , Piper reasoned to herself. _Digger could be the gay one_.

Glancing around, she evaluated the collected criminal might of Central City; Leona Snart, probably the most butch of all of them, hawkish features and a rough tongue. She seemed to have a love-hate relationship with Mickey Rory; a round-cheeked women built like a mountain but with faint laughter lines at the corners of her eyes. Maria Mardon was probably the most conventionally attractive out of all the women. She had delicate features, fine cheekbones and a perfect Monroe figure, accented by her revealing costume. Where Maria was wild and flaunting herself, Samantha Scudder was sophisticated and reserved, the only one of the Rogues with a full head of luxurious locks, tumbling in glossy auburn waves around her shoulders. From what Piper had seen, Sam spent a _lot_ of time in front of her mirrors, dragging a brush through her already perfect hair, a half-smoked cigarette dangling from her lips. Somehow, she seemed to have struck up a fast friendship with the most distasteful member of their new group; Gina ‘Digger’ Harkness, a loud-mouthed, alcohol swigging woman whose hair looked like it had been dragged backwards through a hedge. When drunk, which was nearly always, she made the most sexist comments at men, although they were almost never acknowledged.

Altogether, they seemed like a mismatched, rag-tag group. Piper had pulled jobs separately with most of the women, but had never interacted with them all together; she was honestly waiting for the first inevitable blow-up that comes with bringing together a bunch of people who believe themselves to be the ultimate authority in their own lives (something Piper agreed with in theory, but realised was unviable in practice in a congregation like this).

She was dragged out of her thoughts when Maria spoke.

“Actually, you might get lucky with-“

Through the doors burst a whirlwind of energy. A dirty bowl of dead petunias met its ultimate demise as it was knocked over by a pair of feet. Half a meter off the ground.

_What-_

Righting herself, the spontaneous sun-burst turned out to be a woman, a short bob of blonde curls bouncing around a tanned face sporting the biggest shit-eating grin Piper had ever seen. Her costumes seemed cobbled together out of 6 different outfits (or maybe it was just meant to look like that; she’d never understood fashion). She was also the most beautiful thing Piper had ever seen.

“-James” Maria finished.

“Sorry I’m late folks, I had the most _brilliant_ idea, right, so I was making custard pies, but then I thought, what _if_ , I use a mixture of nitroclycol and nitroclycerine instead of methyl nitrate, ‘cause right methyl nitrate only had a DV of sixty three hundred, right, but I can rack that up to like seventy five hundred with a density of 1.54 grams per centimetre squared, _how cool is that_? Plus, the new mixture will be strong enough to burst through rubber so I can put them in rubber chickens and _really_ turn this into a Looney Tunes Party”.

Piper felt faint; this new woman was beautiful and intelligent, a ridiculous amount of each characteristic she’d never found in anyone else. The stranger stopped in front of Piper and let out a long breath, stopping her excited babbling. Instead, she stuck out her hand towards the shorter woman, flashing a gleaming white smile.

“HI, call me James, right, like James Jesse? Geddit, ‘cause I used to be called Jessica? I’m the Trickster”.

Dazed, Piper stumbled through her own introductions.

“Er, I- Hi, I’m Piper Rath- I mean, Pied Piper, Ha-“

“Nice to meet ya, Pipes” Piper reached out to shake her hand. A sharp white shock raced through her, leaving her momentarily frozen. James cackled, detangling her hand from Piper’s, waving the joy buzzer mockingly at the electrified Rogue.

Not one to be struck without a fight, Piper glared at James with one of her patent death stares. James actually took half a step backwards in mid-air in surprise, before recovering and launching herself at Len with only a quick glance back at the other woman.

“Hey Tricks” Sam called. “You queer too?”

“Nope” She popped the word from her mouth like bubble gum. “Why, who’s the undercover dyke? Is it you Len, I thought you and Mickey spent too much time in the bathroom together-“ She was swiftly cut off by a rough hand in her hair, pulling James over in a floating cartwheel, barely avoiding the simultaneous swinging barrel of the cold-gun.

“Piper’s on the prowl for pussy” Digger called crudely, guffawing. In response, Piper just made a disgusted face at the woman, who was well on her way to wasted. _What a rude woman, honestly_.

James had escaped Mickey’s headlock and made her way over to where Piper was leaning against the back of the sofa. Casually she slung an arm around her shoulder, as though James hadn’t just electrocuted her.

“Oh Piper, Piper, you chose the wrong group for that, unless you’re into three-beer lesbians” That comment got a vigorous middle finger pointed in her direction. Apparently these were common comments flung at Maria. Piper dreaded what this indicated for her future.

“On the other hand, you have the best wing-woman in the world here, so there’s that. I can get you laid for oh, maybe an extra 10% of your loot”.

 _God help me_ , Piper thought; they hadn’t even done any jobs and she was already being set upon by an angelic con-woman.

And it wasn’t even 12 o’clock yet.


End file.
